


Do you regret it?

by jackshortie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Child Abandonment, Emotional, Father-Son Relationship, Food, Gen, Near Death Experiences, Trauma, manga references, post hxh anime, slight angst, whale island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29783076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackshortie/pseuds/jackshortie
Summary: After their meeting on the World Tree, Ging wants to be there for Gon. However, that also means facing and acknowledging the consequences of his actions. That confrontation can hurt, for both Ging and Gon.
Relationships: Ging Freecs & Gon Freecs, Ging Freecs & Mito Freecs, Ging Freecs/Pariston Hill, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Do you regret it?

It had been five months since he had seen him. They had called once in a while, but it wasn’t always easy for Ging to pick up the phone. The last month he hadn’t picked up or called at all. With slight guilt, he decided to check up on Gon in person as an apology.

After their talk on the tree, Ging had realised a few things:

In different circumstances, Ging would’ve maybe wanted to raise him.  
Besides having a much easier time being social, the kid is a lot like him.  
He wanted to be there for him more.

The third one… he could still make it happen. But, he had to work for it and it was going to be hard, since he tends to run away from his problems. “There are only pros and no cons to an action if you never acknowledge the cons,” was his little saying. A terrible one, at that. 

However, he and Gon knew he couldn’t throw his life as a hunter away to raise him, especially since Gon lost his nen. Ging was constantly living a dangerous life and it would be an even worse decision to bring someone as vulnerable as Gon is right now into it. 

He promised his kid that he’ll try and answer his calls, or at least call back when he doesn’t. In the beginning it went pretty well, and Gon enjoyed listening to Ging’s stories that he experienced every week. It must be hard for someone as adventurous as Gon to be stuck on Whale Island again, where he was the safest. 

As said before, last month Ging barely picked up the phone or called back. His anxiousness tended to take over a lot lately so with advice/orders of various Zodiacs, he decided to bring the kid a visit. 

Of course, he was very nervous. Excited to see the kid again, even brought him a little gift from his latest adventure, but nervous and scared for Mito. After all, the last time they saw each other she took Gon into custody and he left them for her to raise him when she herself was only 14. He probably had ruined her youth, as she should’ve been out enjoying her teenage years. This made him think if she’d even let him see Gon. 

Once standing on the front porch, he knocked on the door and looked down with his hands in his pockets, so that his face was hidden by his hat. It was partly because of shame. He had learned to be self aware of these actions.

The door creaked open and a soft and young voice spoke. “What brings you here today, sir?” 

That was definitely Mito’s voice. Soft and caring, no doubt about it. It may have been 12 years, but it was unmistakably her.

“Hey, Mito… It’s been a while.” He slowly looked up to reveal his face. He gave a small smile but it felt more like a beg of mercy on himself. 

Mito stared for a while, making sure her eyes weren’t tricking her. “...Ging…?” 

“Ehm… yeah… is Gon home?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously, avoiding eye contact with Mito. 

Then he felt a clap hit to his right cheek. The palm of Mito’s hand had slapped him across the face. Though it wasn’t unexpected. Ging is one of the best hunters in the world, of course he could’ve stopped her hand or blocked it, but he let it happen.

“I guess that was… deserved, to say the least.” He clicked his tongue and gave an awkward chuckle.

“Why the hell are you here?” Mito’s tone was aggressive, but also protective. All these emotions and reactions Mito was giving were so understandable, that Ging decided not to go against her at all.

“I’m just here to see the kid. I brought a gift for him from my latest journey.” Ging explained, showing her the small wooden box that was in his pocket. 

She crossed her arms, looking up and down, judgmental. “Why do you think I would let you see him?” 

Ging sighed, his prediction was correct. “Look. We talked on the World Tree together, I said I’d drop by sometime so here I am.” Normally Ging would’ve lost his patience, but he knew that this was necessary. He and Mito had to get along again if he wanted to be there for Gon. 

There was no response from Mito, she wasn’t convinced yet.

“Just tell the kid I’m here, let him choose if he wants to see me or not.” Ging shrugged.

“You already know Gon wouldn’t say no.” Mito stated the obvious. Of course Gon wouldn’t miss the opportunity.

Ging decided to switch strategies, he had to corner her. Just long enough until Gon notices he’s here and then she won’t be able to stop either of them. “So, why do you want to stay in the way even if it goes against Gon’s wishes?” A straightforward confrontation would push her.

“You know of all the shit he’s been through? The boy is 14 years old and he had confrontations with mass murderers and death itself, only to find you. He should’ve lived a normal life!” Mito emphasized the “you” with a finger pointed directly at Ging, making him uncomfortable.

“Does he regret it, though? Besides everything that happened he is still glad because he made friends along the way. He chooses not to acknowledge the cons of his adventure because he knows it will darken and overtake the pros.” Ging spoke of his own experience.

“He is traumatized, Ging.” 

“Yeah, that’s kind of a package deal with becoming a hunter.” He joked, but noticed that it was badly timed and only annoyed Mito more, “What I’m trying to say here is that I want to be there for him. I can’t change what I did but I apologised and with that I promised I’ll do things differently in the future.” 

Mito thought deeply, and after a few seconds she let out a big sigh. “Gon!” She yelled towards the ceilings, knowing he was in his room. 

Ging smiled, “Thank you.” he said it softly, almost in a whisper. 

“What’s up aunt Mito?” Gon said, standing halfway down the stairs. He looked through the door trying to see who was there. Once he realised, he jumped off the stairs and ran towards the door. “Ging!” 

“Hey, I’m sorry for not answering the phone.” Ging decided to throw out the hardest part first, the apology. 

Gon didn’t look sad or mad at him though, “Oh, that’s okay. I figured you were busy.” He was too forgivable, both Mito and Ging knew that. Gon always saw the good in people before anything else, a good trait, but a dangerous one. 

Mito had a sorrowful look on her face. She was smiling but her eyes looked like they could tear up any moment. 

“So, how have you been doing?” Ging’s tone was calm and as composed as possible, but inside he was slightly emotional. 

“Boring, to be honest. I miss going out on adventures, but without nen I’ll get myself hurt again in no time. I’ve been practicing every day, but still can’t do anything.” Anyone could see that the past five months of him not being able to do what he loves most has been eating away at him. There was nothing he’d rather wanted to do than be with his friends and getting in dangerous situations. Gon has that love for fights and danger, that adrenaline kick he gets from danger is what he lived for, bonus points if his friends were besides him. However, without nen, the gap between him and his friends was so big that everything that they do would get Gon killed within seconds. He was reckless, but he wouldn’t go for a 0% chance of survival. 

All of this resulted in him looking more tired and the usual sparkles within his iris seemed to be fading. He even had less freckles, since he doesn’t go outside as much as he used to. Besides all that, he was a happy kid, still smiling and motivated to keep moving forward.

“Well, I might have something that could help with your nen.” Ging rummaged through his big pockets, and fished out something that looked like a bracelet. He threw it to Gon and caught it easily with his quick reflexes.

It was a black leather bracelet. Gon immediately recognised the pattern that was engraved onto the bracelet. It was the same as Wing’s promise thread, and Ging’s box containing Greed Island. “It’s a little different from the other one’s that you’re used to. Since you can’t see your nen anymore, the bracelet will turn lighter the more nen you use. That way you can figure out how to use nen the best way again,” Ging explained as Gon put it on. “A little gift.” he added.

“Thanks a lot.” Gon smiled gratefully as he fidgeted with the bracelet enthusiastically. 

Mito’s emotion changed. “Maybe I should give him a chance.” She thought, realising that he was really trying and really thought about what Gon would do well. 

“Alright... let’s go.” Ging pointed behind him. 

Gon and Mito exchanged confused looks. “Where to?” Gon asked.

“I haven’t been here in over ten years, and that was barely five minutes. I thought you could show me all the cool places.” 

Gon smiled brightly and got enthusiastic. “Wait, are you serious?”

“The fuck I am. Didn’t take off work all day just to say hello and bring a gift.” He grunted. Mito gave him a nasty glance for his swearing. With that Gon quickly put on his jacket and boots. Once done, he stood next to Ging and said goodbye to Mito. 

“He needs to be back by eight.” Mito demanded. 

“Yeah, will do. Okay kiddo, you ready?” Ging ruffled Gon’s hair and then let go. It took him a moment to realise that he did that, which caused a silence to fall. Even Gon was taken by surprise as Ging had never done that. 

“Bye, Mito!” Ging quickly said to break the silence and started walking with Gon quickly following after. Gon waved energetically to Mito before she closed the front door. 

“So, where we going?” Ging placed his hands in his pockets and looked around a little. 

“The weekly market is today, we could check it out if you want?” He suggested, pointing to the west, where the harbour is. 

Ging wasn’t a big fan of being around a lot of people or being in big groups, but Gon seemed exciting over it. He gave a nod and they continued their walk. 

“How are Kurapika and Leorio doing, by the way?” Gon started, curious to see how they were really doing, as Kurapika never responded and Leorio tended to sound in a hurry when he did answer. After all, they were the replacements once Ging and Pariston quit but they still worked together, so Gon figured he might know something. 

“It tends to be really busy indeed, there’s a lot going on… to say the least. However, Leorio and Kurapika are doing a decent job. Maybe even better than me and Pariston did.” Ging softly snorted, thinking about how he was terrible at being a Zodiac. Pariston didn’t do shit either.   
“Oh whoa, they must be amazing!” Gon said, smiling. 

Ging shook his head. “Not really, like I said, they’re doing a decent job. Pariston and I just didn’t do shit.” He laughed it off a little, thinking about him and Pariston trying to find new ways to annoy the other Zodiacs and ruin their plans for him and Pariston’s own little games. 

“Are you and mister Pariston close?” 

There was a short silence and Ging’s pace slowed down a little. “I guess we are.” There was a warm smile on his face. “Anyways, how’s the white haired kid doing?” He decided to change the topic. 

Gon’s face lit up. “You mean Killua?” 

“Yeah, the kid that you constantly talked about on the tree.” 

“Sorry,” Gon said, slightly guilty about having rambled on about him. 

“No, don’t worry. I can tell he means a lot to you.” Ging side glanced to the kid, who looked forward with a smile. Killua made him happy, huh? 

“We called sometimes, but I haven’t seen him at all lately. I do miss him.” Gon fidgeted with his fingers, thinking about all the fun things he wanted to do once he saw Killua again. His face turned slightly sadder. 

“When is he visiting?” 

He looked down disappointedly. “We haven’t really... discussed that.” 

Ging was surprised, he figured if they missed each other so much they had planned a date to meet up soon. “You should. Even if the date is in a few months, if you don’t do it now when will you?” 

“I guess you have a point… Oh, we’re here!” The conversation had been cut off by them reaching the harbour. It had a mixed smell of fish and seawater, which was somehow refreshing. The sunlight reflecting the water was a little blinding but the soft breeze was nice. “Let’s go!” Gon said as he quickened his pace again, forcing Ging to follow. 

Inside wishing he wouldn’t be confronted or seen by acquaintances, Ging pushed his cap down a little lower to prevent recognition. Last thing he wanted was being told off by the people who knew him during his childhood. Besides, he didn’t want to get too angry when the kid was around. It was maybe a little late, but he still wanted to give some sort of a good example for Gon. 

“What are we getting here, exactly?” Ging said, watching Gon check out each stand shortly before moving on for the next one. 

“Hmm… you wanted a tour, well... there's no Whale Island without fish. I’m looking for something we can take with us.” Gon took out his wallet and paid for a small box of types of small fried snacks. “Do you want to get something else too?” 

“No, I’m good.” He looked around nervously, still on high alert for anyone recognising him. 

Gon pointed, “This way, then.” 

They walked off the market again, and both of them noticed the whispers which could all be defined as: “Is that Ging?”. Gon ignored them easily, but Ging was close to snapping and yelling, but held himself back. 

They went to higher footing and climbed up a tree, of course, nothing in comparison to the World Tree, but it was still fifteen metres high. “Feels like we’ve been here before.” Ging said after he seated down on a thick branch. Gon sat down on a different branch next to it, cross-legged. He opened the box and reached out to Ging. Hesitant, Ging grabbed one and threw it in his mouth. “Mhm. These are good indeed.” 

Gon gave a look that said “Told you so.” before taking one himself. 

“Thank you for dropping by, by the way. I appreciate it.” Gon said, staring at the view.

Ging shrugged, “The least I could do after everything I put you through.” 

Those words weightened the air a little, more than he intended. “Oh I didn’t mean-”

“Do you regret it?” Gon’s voice dropped in tone and turned a lot more serious. A chill ran down Ging’s back, this conversation is what he had feared.

“What do you mean?” He asked, but knew full well what Gon meant.

“You know… not raising me.” 

There it was. Gon somehow made it sound lighthearted, while the air was anything but light. It was a heavy weight that Ging felt on his shoulders. 

He sighed deeply, preparing an answer. 

“I’m not sure.” Ging really wasn’t. Every decision he made in the past was a wary mix of doubt and regret but also certainty. He just didn’t know what to connect to which choice. “Part of me wanted to see you grow to the boy you are now but I also know you’d be worse off if you spent your childhood with me.” 

Gon nodded, trying to find sympathy and understanding in his words. Ging figured he’d have a hard time taking this in, but there was no point in lying or avoiding the question. If Gon wanted to know, he had the right to. 

Gon looked as if he was waiting for something more to be added to Ging’s answer. He looked serious, but his eyes seemed watery. This must be emotionally draining for him as well. 

“If I had kept you and chose my work over you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to raise you properly. It would also be dangerous for you and me, having to protect you while still having to do my job. On the opposite side, if I had dropped my work and chose to fully raise you, not even sure if I was capable of that, then I would have lost the biggest part of my life. Being a hunter had taken up so much of my life, I could never lose that, no matter how hard I tried.” 

“I’m s-sorry…” All Gon had made up from this story was guilt for himself. It was as if he refused to make someone he cared about sad. 

Ging stressed out a little, still not knowing how to handle someone crying. “Kid, you got it wrong. It wasn’t your fault at all. It’s not as if it was your choice to be born. Things just don’t always go as planned and I’m sorry for not being the father you deserved.”

Gon got up and jumped from branch to the branch Ging sat on, and sat down next to him. “If I can’t be the one to blame, then you can’t either. Like you said earlier, life doesn’t go as planned.”

Ging hung his head to avoid eye contact. “As if. I was an adult with a conscience, I shouldn't have been so selfish.” 

“I don’t think you’re selfish for choosing happiness.” Gon leaned forward, trying to find that eye-contact that Ging didn’t want. He glanced at Gon and shook his head. “Who the hell taught you to be so forgiving?” 

“Multiple, actually. Aunt Mito hasn’t forgiven you in the slightest, because she never even bothered to think of your reasoning, or if she did she couldn’t find sympathy in it. I don’t blame her either, though. Somehow that meant she became very protective of me, for the better. But also Kurapika, although I wouldn’t forgive the Phantom Troupe either, but he’s the result of being swallowed up by grudges and revenge. I don’t want to be like that either. That’s why I could never be mad at you. Of course, sometimes I wish things were different, but they aren’t, and it’s not like we can change the past. That’s why I’m so grateful that you’re willing to make it up to me now.” 

Ging was at a complete loss of words, as Gon just gave a smile that was filled with mixed emotions. “Dammit.” He mumbled underneath his breath. 

“I don’t deserve this. Not after everything.” He didn’t say that out loud but his emotions got the better of him. It may have been a single tear, but it was more than Ging wanted to shed. Let alone in front of his kid. “Talk about setting an example, huh?” He thought before quickly wiping the tear away before Gon could notice. That quick breakdown of the wall that surrounded Ging’s emotions caused him to want them to put on stronger. He closed his doors again. “Good talk.” He said, wanting to end the conversation, but the small voice crack gave away his emotions. 

“Yeah… it was.” Gon turned towards the view again and stared, letting Ging recover from his emotions without having Gon’s eyes staring at him. However, this way also Gon could shed a tear without Ging noticing. 

He watched the sun slowly descending, but it took him long to realise what that meant. “Ging? What time is it? I think we’re nearing eight.” 

Ging took out his phone and checked. “8.05…guess I can expect another slap.” He cracked another joke and chuckled, hoping to make the air a little lighter again. 

“Yeahhh… we need to hurry.” Gon said, laughing nervously, thinking about how Mito would tell him off for making her worry again. After the Chimera Ant incident she became way more protective than she already was. Gon was surprised she even could do that. 

They jumped off from the branch and landed with a loud thump, but both landed on two feet without a lot of effort. 

“Which way?” Ging said as he got up. 

“West.”

Ging smiled. “Want to see who’s fastest? I won’t use nen.”

“Deal. Go!” Gon said, cheating by taking a head start. Ging mumbled a swear word under his breath for quickly taking off as well. 

Ging let Gon stay up front, to make sure that Ging wouldn’t go a different route. Gon swung over trees as well to make him soar through the air. Ging decided to save his energy until the very last moment and use that to catch up to Gon. 

“Last one to touch the front door loses!” Gon said mid-air, just before catching himself onto a branch and swinging onto the next one. 

“One to lose has to take the blame for being late.” Ging added running swiftly, still with his hands in his pockets.

After a minute or so they had a view of the house on top of the hill. Now was where the real race had started. Gon let go of the last tree at the edge of the forest and Ging put his hands out of his pockets. They both quickened their pace, but halfway Gon noticed that Ging was slightly faster. He pushed his limits in hope to not lose his place but about twenty metres before the finish Ging surpassed him. 

Ging slapped the door first. Gon did about a second later. “Dammit!” Gon said, laughing. 

“Have fun taking the blame kiddo!” Ging smiled, ruffling Gon’s head another time. 

Mito probably had noticed the noises on the door, because she opened it with crossed arms and an annoyed look.   
“Welp, time for me to run off again then. See ya!” Ging turned around and put his hand back in his pockets again. 

“Wait, Ging!” Gon shouted, “Aren’t you staying for dinner?” 

He turned back a little, “Nah, I’ll save Mito the trouble of having to hang out with me. I’ll come again, don’t worry. Also, don’t forget to call Killua! You better have a date planned before I get back!” Ging waved while he was almost out of vocal range. 

Gon waved happily as Mito leaned against the door frame. “You better come back, asshole!” Mito shouted. 

“Yeah, yeah!” Ging muffled voice sounded, almost inaudible. Gon refused to close the door until Ging was out of sight completely. 

When Ging was reaching his boat, on the other side of the island, his phone went off. 

“Who’s this?” He said, “Oh, hey Pariston.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning, geez… No, shut up… What? Can’t I spend time with my son?... Oh c’mon.” Ging hung up and rolled his eyes. He looked back one more time before getting onto the boat.

**Author's Note:**

> i love ging, so much. the way hes written, his personality. hhhhh okay hope you enjoyed reading it


End file.
